That feeling when you step out of the door and the warm summer air touches your skin. I love that feeling! And surely you too. Even in the spring, when the sun begins to shine and the air becomes warm, you can notice the change what happens in your mind. The mind is refreshed, there is more energy and the motivation rises. Winter’s darkness and cold have their own charm but I still prefer light and heat. I’ve always or as long as I can remember suffered from occasional mood swings. There are times when I feel depressed more and there are times when I feel that there is no depression. Just for no reason. I know that many of us struggle with this.

Many will certainly be able to identify that climate as well as many other things have a great impact on our mood. In my home country and especially there where I was born there is so-called Kaamos polar night, which is an annual period during which the sun doesn’t rise above the horizon. This phenomenon occurs in the Earth’s polar districts and those at higher latitudes. Closer to the poles we go, the sooner the polar night begins and the longer the polar night is. In the most northern Finland, the polar night lasts from the end of November to mid-January. In the Southern Finland where I live now, kaamos doesn’t affect so much, but that much that the winter is very dark in the whole country. I believe darkness has something to do with my mood.


But I have so far somehow learned to live with that, and it’s no big deal for me anymore. As you learn to know yourself, I believe that everyone has the opportunity to partly filter uncomfortable things in themselves and learn to accept them. If not completely then at least partially. I recommend each and everyone of us some exploration deep inside ourselves. In peace and with time. If it’s not possible at home / home town / home country, then travel to somewhere else. Especially I can recommend a trip to my home area, to Lapland.

Lapland, that beautiful, peaceful and unique place. Where people are nice and where is incredible landscapes. The inner peace what I feel when I go to Lapland in the middle of nowhere is something I really enjoy. Northern lights, mountains and forests. Summer or winter, every season there is always something incredible, beautiful and interesting. Sometimes I felt ashamed of my roots, but not anymore. I am very proud that I was born in Lapland and some of my kin are Sami people and I have Sámi roots. The other half of my family still lives in my home town, and luckily I can go there whenever I want. I know I’ll return back to the north in one way or another. If I don’t live there then maybe i buy some cottage or a holiday apartment.


Now that the summer is right at the door, I really enjoy the heat and the light and try to store it somehow to autumn. I hope everyone who is struggling especially with the depression, would also feel something joy of summer or something else, what brings any good feelings and would give it the power to light your mind. The exploration that I haven’t been able to do properly yet and which will surely open up more my mental side, is a journey somewhere very warm and exotic. Maybe in South Africa or Australia. Suggest something to me?

Let’s enjoy this moment, ourselves and others. Let’s Try to have fun and feel Comfortable in your own Skin and be proud of what we are.

P.S. If you are interested to know more about Lapland and what kind of opportunities it has to offer, please feel free to contact me.

Here’s a little husky puppy to cheer up your day!

Music has been very important to me since childhood. I’m the smallest in our family and I got a lot of inspiration from my Father, my sister and my brother. It’s funny, but my mother’s music taste has not affected me in any way. My father plays drums, and the music what I have learned to listen from him, is mostly the old blues and rock bands/artists like; Dire Straits, Kiss, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Gary Moore, B.B King, John Lee Hooker, Stevie Ray Vaughan etc. From my brother I found Metallica and AC / DC. From my sister I haven’t got any bands or artists who had influenced me. I have learned from her, that you can play music yourself, like singing and playing guitar. She is so talented in music, and other things. I like to sing myself too and I can play the guitar a little bit. (alone when nobody can’t see and hear.)

KISS Concert at Hartwall Arena, Helsinki on May 4, 2017

Primary school age to me greatly influenced band called Nirvana. Everyone certainly knows that band, and I really am not the only one that has been greatly affected by it.
In addition to Nirvana, major influences in Grunge were also Alice in Chains and Soundgarden. Also there was and still is very important bands for me in Gothic rock and progressive rock(Bluesrock)  Like The Sisters of mercy, Type O Negative, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and The Doors. And so great and talented singers were Freddie Mercury and Michael Jackson. I tried and I try to continue to learn Michael’s dance moves. I didn’t just listen to grunge, rock and metal. There was a time when I listened with my school friends for example rap and dance artists/bands. Women artists who i still listen and love today are; Christina Aguilera, Shakira and Anastacia.

Depeche Mode Concert at Hartwall Arena, Helsinki on Feb 18, 2018

For me the most important things in music have always been that, Music affects me somehow, good/bad/sad whatever feelings. I also pay a lot of attention to the lyrics and what they could mean to me. And the cream on top of the cake is when all are played with real instruments and singers really know how to sing or the sound fits with the band’s music and style. (with the right instruments I mean; guitars, drums, bass, etc. And of course there may be some other instruments. I mean that i hate for example playback concert’s and Auto-tune voice.) For example. Lemmy, who knew how to sing but he was not the best in the world. Still, I couldn’t imagine anyone else singing in that band and his voice did fit perfectly for it. Rest in peace Lemmy and many others.

Metallica: WorldWired Tour Concert at Hartwall Arena, Helsinki on May 9, 2018

There are so much good music in the world and also bad, but I don’t really want to talk about those which i think is bad, because everyone has their own opinions about things and pretty much everything. I have seen quite a lot of gigs, and the best gigs experiences and best stage shows have been: KISS, Alice Cooper, Metallica, Ghost, Rammstein, Depeche Mode, Danzig, W.A.S.P, Johnny Winter, ZZ top, System of a down, Him, Paradise Lost, Michael Monroe, Hallatar, Prodigy, Cypress Hill and Anastacia. And these are just the best gigs. Bad or mediocre gigs have been offered by Marilyn Manson, Eric Clapton and many others. Some gigs I don’t even remember,  not because I was drunk (I haven’t been drunk none gig I’ve ever seen ) but because they were not worth remembering or just simply I don’t just remember everything.

Alice Cooper Concert at Qstock on July 29, 2017

I could talk about music more and more, and tell and list all the bands and artists and their stories. But I like to keep this text a bit shorter. Music is the thing I love and it would be sad to live without it.

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. ” -Bob Marley

I like to explore the environment and random people around me, wherever I am. In particular, for example. When I’m alone in the coffee shop, sipping my hot coffee and minding my own business. Unfortunately, I will forcibly hear people’s conversations, if I don’t listen to music. One thing which has greatly been quite repetitive conversation, or rather the opening of a debate in humans, is how they all have places broken, hurts, pains, etc. There is no harm in it and really its none of my business. But I just wonder why many people when they see each other after a long time, they first start conversation by listing their own medical history, a small into a big bother.


It is very common for the elderly, which is understandable. When I have listen people to talk each others that way, it’s a little bit depressing and just cracks in my ear to hear. Especially when they are still young 25-40 years old, and all what they do first is complaining about what is wrong or the toe is sore or something else depressing. Where is the good things? I understand life is hard, and it’s not easy. But really? do we have to do it worse than it is, or make everybody to believe so? And after that you tell your own life story and your friend is just nodding his head. Negative things and your own story first at the center and then you maybe forget to ask to your friend that how is he.

I don’t mean that you can’t talk your own troubles, it’s not wrong. It might be certainly nice to tell all your own things and problems to people, but seriously at least ask your friend how are you. Well, maybe this was just a seasonal thing and I just happened to hear these negative things mainly. Luckily, there are positive cases to balance them. A little more joy of life and perhaps genuinely interested in people from each other. Also nasty old people who tell you, that you must go to hell. (I was told so, because maybe in their opinion I probably sat on their side of the cafeteria at the same long couch where there was plenty of space for other customers too) And then those who are social media addicts who are just face glued to the phone. What personally I feel impolite behavior.


For example, if I have a cup of coffee with my friend or I’m at somebody’s home for a visit and the other one doesn’t do anything else than typing on their phones and then keeps nodding and humming. How many of us anymore cares about the presence of another person really? Where is the courtesy?

I keep repeating that each one of us has own way to live our lives and to live as we please, but yes, it could still try to be polite to others. Especially in public places, or is it great to take the last sitting seat from the bus, for example, to a pregnant woman or an old grandmother? It would be a good thing for all of us to have sense of situational awareness. Everyone should teach that to offspring’s. There is no need to be a saint, but if we always stare at our own belly button, this world would certainly be much worse.


In people some of us pay a lot of attention to their being and behavior. At least I’ll pay attention. Certain types of behavior may take away the desire to get know the other person completely, or at least half off desire. You don’t have to like everybody, you don’t have to be everybody’s friend. This applies to me as well as to everyone else. For my own behavior and my being, may seem that you don’t want to get to know me any more. The right one is not just for a partner in life, it’s also suits for friends as well. Theres not necessarily only one the right one, there can be a lot of right ones around the world. But it’s a different thing will you ever meet them. Even that one.

When I cleaned my wardrobe I wonder what my style is, do I have any particular style or am I mixing all existing styles? Or have I created my own style? I have always bought clothes just what I like and pleases me. I know clearly what I like and what I don’t like, and I fully believe that you have to be able to wear them properly. Because if you don’t, then you may feel uncertain, and it will be noticed and it’s not nice for yourself either. When I continued cleaning, I did think out loud that I like my clothes and shoes and that everything looks nice and somehow they fit together and they are not just in the extremes of each other and if they are i can still make them look good together. Following the latest fashion has never been obsession to me and honestly I don’t care much about it. Everyone has their own taste of style. I am guilty of being a little superficial. Because I care and I consider important to look good, for myself not for the others. I appreciate high quality and durable clothes, but quality costs more in many cases. It’s a sad thing when you are an empty pocket. Everyone brings themselves through their style and some just don’t care about. It’s everyone’s own thing how to dress and we mostly dress for ourselves, right?

My wardrobe is full of black, red, green, blue, silver, gold and metal tone clothes. Band T-shirts, denim, lace, animal patterns, stud and spikes, leather, fur, different kind of fabrics and evening dresses to sport wear. And lots of shoes! Who doesn’t love shoes! I prefer faux leather and fur because i hate animal cruelty.  At first glance sounds like a disgusting eighties, glam rock, cheap style wardrobe with little bit of glamour and basics. And kind of it is. But what’s important to me and how I wear those kind of clothes is the fact that they would not seem cheap and trash. I don’t want to look like tacky and pathetic s**t. Pardon me but too much is just too much. Of course everyone has their own and certainly a different view of what or who is a s**t and you might think so about just a hair dye or you just don’t like someone. What a wonderful world. I mean people. The less you give a f**k, the happier you will be. I’m just saying.


However. My hair is bright red and in clothing I like to highlight them with certain colors like green, which is beautifully suited to the red. My basic casual outfit is tight jeans, band shirt and slender combat boots. When there is time and desire to see more effort, this is one outfit choice for example; Black high-heeled leather Ankle boots, black leather trousers, a simple and maybe a one-color top and, last but not least, rivet spike leather jacket. Suitable hairstyle, makeup and accessories will crowning everything. Suitably Rock. I’m not ordinary and my style is not ordinary. Haters gonna hate. I always don’t have time to wear my best and it’s not so necessary. At home is best to wear a big shirt and ponytail.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and to me the beauty of what I value and what I like is close to the natural. But I don’t see it’s a bad thing and I don’t mind if someone wants to do beauty jobs/surgery for real reasons, or if someone wants to color their hair with totally different colors. Eyebrows are a very important thing for myself. So if you own your own or even natural-looking eyebrows then here comes a big thumb. If you think of celebrities, then Shakira is my ideal. That woman is truly beautiful, sexy and gifted. I often use strong makeup and many people think it’s a mask for me that I want to conceal my true self. But it’s not. I can be without makeup and I like it. The freckles what I have in summer are something what I don’t want to conceal. What made me think that I have to shop for summer skin care products well in advance.

Let’s be our own selves included our own style, whether it was natural or unnatural style. We can courageously try out what we want. Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak and beauty starts the moment you decide to be yourself.


Money. Will it bring happiness and a better life, or emptiness and disaster. I believe that it will bring all those things in your life. Depending on how you decide to let the money affect you. Because it can affect, for example, behavior and relationships. However, we make our own choices, and some of us are aware of those choices. Some can bear the responsibility and the consequences, but some don’t. There are plenty of fish in the sea. In today’s world, so many things revolves around money that without it, it’s almost impossible to imagine living without. Would it be possible? Well why not. If you decide that you get along without money and you have planned that you’ll be fine and you know example, what may happen if you are ill and you may not get the necessary care so why not. I believe that it can bring happiness and freedom for some people whom it is suitable for.  But my appreciation is not enough for people, who decide to live in some people’s corners, eating their food without any intention to work and don’t even bother to say thank you. snow-3108069_1920

Happiness, what money has brought for me is example roof over my head, food and hobbies. I can’t do some of my hobbies without any money like writing this blog. It requires hardware and program payments. The gym is not free, art / craft tools are not free, the music is not free (included the hardware what to listen to and gig tickets) Movies and series are not free etc. Could I survive without my hobbies or could I practice them without any money? Yes, for some time I would survive, but I believe that at some point I would start to miss many things that I really do not get for free. Some of my hobbies can be done without financial support, but it would be more difficult and more demanding. That’s not a problem and I don’t whine about it, but money makes it easier and more varied .I prefer to pay for things that matter to me, for example to be able to see my favorite bands and artist. But I often wonder if they are absolutely obligatory and I try to do many things without money and many hobbies are left out. Maybe some things can be done in one way or another, or in another year.

When you are accustomed to live with low pay, (it’s very hard to find a good job and even harder to find job who would pay you a good salary) you have learned to appreciate things even more. I know that things could be worse and I am very grateful that they are not. relatively good compared to many others. A small salary and the challenge of finding a good job has motivated me to try and study even more so that I can do better in the future. For example, in the future (or as soon as possible), I would like to financially be able to take care of my mother and homeless animals. And that’s already a sufficient reason to try my best in life and money matters. Love is an important part of life. I do not think many would be happy for a million property without love. But again there is plenty of us and many of us can be happy with the unloving life and choose money instead. Or you will be able to achieve both of them Or even to achieve one of them. I can’t say, does money bring happiness. But it does make things much easier. Who wouldn’t enjoy the benefits of money, even a little. money-1144553_1920

I am going to earn my money in my life with my own work and effort. I do not want to go there where the fence is the lowest, and I want to maintain my dignity because I respect myself, as I think each one of us should appreciate themselves. Everyone does it in their own way. If you were offered a nice job, basic salary, nice co-workers and a roof over your head for the next ten years. Or, millions of euros, but it would require you to give up something very important to you and / or your principles and / or your dignity would suffer in some way. So which one do you choose?
This may never be a possible choice or offer in life but just a little theoretical mind play.

Time is money, or is it?

So that all my blog posts wouldn’t be so heavy from the beginning, I thought I would write a bit about my relationship with tattoos. What tattoos are for me? They are art and subjects what are important to me. I feel it is important for me to get things on my skin what I love and something more than “at least there is some picture tattooed” or that “it would be so cool and fashionable and especially when everybody has tattoos.” No. My starting point has never been to put tattoos for to just please others or to make myself look cool. Since beauty is in eye of the beholder. Not everyone likes tattoos, which is fine for me. If you want to come and tell, you do not like my tattoos so then it’s your opinion and you are entitled to them. In these modern days still feels like it’s impossible to get rid of the stamp that tattoos cause. For example, I have heard some say these things; She can’t find work, she has probably somehow involved in criminal matters, she was probably in prison, her life must go badly, doesn’t she know or see that she looks ugly, she’s probably in some ways worse than the others, a badass; Because she has tattoos. Well okay, I understand if you have some prison tattoo or something else that clearly tells those kind of things and causes that kind of conclusions to someone . But if not, then why do you expect example that kind of things at first?

Appearance is the first thing a person will notice, and of course it also tells you something. For example, if you wear a band t-shirt, it tells you what someone is listening to. Generally, I suppose that someone who’s wearing a band’s shirt will listen to that band or artist. Hopefully. Or, if you are wearing Prada you aren’t automatically devil. I have tattoos but I’m not a criminal, I haven’t been in jail, I’m no cooler than others, my life goes well and yes I get jobs despite it.

My current tattoos what I have now is animals. I don’t just tattoo animals because they are very beautiful because all the animals are. At the moment, my arm is embellished with Leopard, Wolf and Tiger. Since childhood, Leopard has been a favorite animal for me because of its beauty and it symbolizes to me physical strength and sensuality. Wolves i have always been interested in their way of living and surviving skills in the nature. They symbolize me strong intelligence and contact with own instincts. Tiger symbolizes me for example. courage and willpower. Amazing animal species in every way. Text Tattoos are personal to me. for example, encouraging phrases. As long as I internalize what they mean.

So the summary is that, to me tattoos always means more than just a great picture. You decide what pictures will decorate your body. The most important thing is that you like them. As a saying goes, do not judge a book by its cover.


I’ve always thought about a lot of things, life and the human mind, which I’m sure you’ve noticed. Especially now in few years I have more and more explored it. The eyes are open and enlightened. I’ve met a lot of different people, which is awesome that you’re not all the same. Think about how horrible it would be. Sometimes a second with someone will be enough for you to see through him/she. Why do some decide, for example, to live in lies rather than in truth? To protect yourself or others?  I don’t think its good to anyone set up their life with lies. be so weak that they can’t withstand truth and honesty. However, and again real people who care about you as yourself will surely appreciate more honesty than any fake lies, fake reasons, and bad explanations. Of course, there could be very understandable reasons why you make mistakes, why you lie and be dishonest, but how many of these reasons are forged and just ask for justice for your lies? when you do not dare to admit your weaknesses, or you are afraid and can’t take the responsibility. It’s courage to admit your own mistakes and flaws and to stand on your own feet. I am not saying that in life you shouldn’t make mistakes, they are supposed to do. I think its clear for all of us that you learn from your Mistakes. but what then, when those mistakes are repeated constantly. You sink into treadmill where you don’t even try to get out. Really is that what you want? don’t you care? Is life better then? I don’t think so.

The lies will be revealed sooner or later, and most of us will certainly not be happy about them, not even you. (luckily to you, some people doesn’t even care.) Who would appreciate that kind of people whose words are not trusted. Millions explanations and they change every time you open your mouth. All words will change also in your head and you can’t keep them together. You may feel that no one understands you and everyone treats you badly. No one would take you as who you really are. Even you’ve never tried to get anyone to understand you as yourself. genuine yourself. It has been sad and a bit pathetic to look at people who can’t take responsibility for their own actions and they just keep lying, feign etc. The treadmill of their life has been almost palpable.

No one is perfect, no need to be. But too much is being complained of everything, example what is wrong and what want to change. Most of these things you can change yourself. I have complained about my own problems and worries very much and many times I haven’t done nothing to them. I am no better than others, but I have realized that things don’t heal with complaining. I hope deeply that this kind of people who I have met in my life, will open their eyes or at least take their heads out of their ass. Or maybe we should all take our butts out of the chairs and our brains out of the penalty bench and do something.

Sometimes it feels that it would be better not to know the truth about everything. For example, when you follow the news and what’s happening around the world, it makes us sad. But is it still good to know, because then you maybe don’t take everything for granted, you know how to be careful, you know how the truths can protect yourself and others. I hope we keep ourselves away from the tissue of lies


What have you realized in your life? How to make your life better? Do you just like to whining about everything? What do you see when you look in the mirror or who do you see?


I’d rather be alone than in company, that doesn’t interest me in any way and I don’t interest them. Quality replaces the quantity.

When I was a child I questioned whether who and what is a true friend, who’s the buddy and who’s just a familiar person somewhere. In my opinion, a friend can only be categorized by those who are truly close to you and you know that with them you can discuss anything without being condemned. And even if they condemns, they still try to understand and think of you as a person without making a mockery. You don’t have to be in contact all the time with true friends, because you both have the feeling of that,  even if you don’t talk or see each other’s for long time, everything still goes on where it was left. Buddy’s are the ones with whom you can also chat and have fun and go somewhere, but don’t feel them very close friends and not those who you want to tell a lot about yourself. Sure you can be that kind of person who tells everyone everything about yourself. Your life and your choices. The buddy’s are a bit like a good day fellas whom are familiar of somewhere, they are nice to see sometimes and maybe to go somewhere, but with good day fellas I personally want to see them even less than friends or don’t want to see them at all.

Many people have certainly given me the asshole label, because I have removed them on my Facebook or I have not accepted them there. I’m just saying that I don’t know them as my friends, my close friends, or whoever I don’t want to get known to. It makes no sense to me accept people to my friends whom I don’t even know or I don’t see any sense that some people grow their friends with unknown people, only when they have just been in same place. Maybe just because its nice to know people or raise their social status or they need something from them. Why should have to everyone love you? Why would you play a friend when you really are not? Why should you please everyone?
Maybe maybe why why and blah blah.


I admit that sometimes I accepted friend requests from people who I know just a little, but mostly just because I wanted to try to get to know them and see if we get along. But 99% of my feelings have been right. I guess you know what happens then.

I’ve learned in life (not just in social life where unfortunately everything seems to run) that you don’t have to please everybody. It will eat you.

If you think about hurting others, it will hurt you less if you are left out or someone ignore you than someone pleases you all the time and then talk behind your back and laugh? If ignoring hurts you more than duplicity, then the priorities of your life are lost or somehow upside down.

Its annoying how social media is taken so seriously and feels like almost everyone get upset of little things. Mind your own business and don’t follow things or people who disturb you. Oh but what the hell, its the modern time that we’re living.
Sure, in social media and in real life, I understand, for example, your company’s advertising and searching attention to it, but don’t we have profiles and work status separately for them? And if not, then you have to deal with it if you example sabotage or ruin your or your company’s reputation. Again your decision and choice. Except that today it seems to be a trend for people to be interested in what you eat, drink, and what toilet paper you are using.  Are they seriously interested?

A couple of good friends are a lot more and better than a few nice guys or a million familiar.It would be important for everyone to have even one friend. Who you can call your best friend. If you have a partner, is he/she your best friend? If not, well then he/she/it can be your mom, dad, sister, brother, new person you just met, childhood friend, anyone who you feel important to you.

life is short, and in a bad case, life may be even shorter. So lets hold on to our loved ones and love them unconditionally.hands-63743_1920

Under the soft shell I found a small creature. It hatch out and starts it’s journey off the rock. It is a beautifully flying dragonfly always knows what to look for. Stranger whose journey is painful and long, sits down on the rock and sings a song. The song reminds life of the dragonfly and the flower on his other side. The flower is fading over time, loses its strength and beauty. Stem folds into a damp ground, sow seeds to germinate. Stranger grabs the soft stem, twitches and throws it away. The dragonfly is still looking for life, the breath of the wind lightens the flight. He looks at pond from where it’s life began. Stranger stands up, looks up to the skies and wonders what he desires. Then he walks forward, walks as long as he can. He sighs, now the soul and body can rest when there is nothing left.


Confused with thoughts and full of emotions. The head is rotten. As you tear the bark of a tree, you tear yourself same way. Inside you find something soft and hollow. Everything will eventually disappear. The mistakes we make, why do we do them again. Why throw yourself to the life of sorrow. We are guilty of guilt. It makes us sick like polypores causes sickness to the trees. The tree is rotten. The wind catches the top of tree, tear the thoughts and feelings into piece by piece.  In the end the tree is fragile and falls to molder to the ground. Unless someone has already split you to pieces to burn you to warmth for itself, oh well then, your ashes will never be found.

The poems are written by Doris

The life so far to me has been a kind of exploration, as certainly for millions of others as well. Self-study, learning, listening, finding, love, affection, anger, rage, sorrow, joy, happiness, etc.

Happiness. What is it? What is it for me? Am I happy?
Those are good questions, I often think.
It’s  interesting and wonderful to find things what brings you happy, but if we talk of total happiness, what i believe is a kind of inner peace with ourselves. Do we ever have it? Will it ever be. Even though the basic structures of life would be OK and much better than most of the human population. Well, i’m just saying but I don’t feel completely happy. Can I ever be? Can you? Don’t think it’s a sad thing, because it’s not. In my opinion.

I’m at that stage of life where everything is quite a lot of discovering and learning new things. I haven’t seen much of the world yet that I could say I’m enough open-minded and aware. You might think that what I supposed to be aware of?
I have simple answer;  basically everything.  Myself, people, experiences, sciences, facts and this list could go on endlessly.

For example that happiness I have looked into, its importance and how people perceive it. I think it’s just an endless road, if you think about the whole human race and why not the animal kingdom, it’s even more mysterious.
But I believe the main thing is your own happiness, it’s a kind of journey for all of us.